Just run away as you are and forget me.

Request Filled: "Forever, I guess," for jamietatsuya

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 23:06:06 GMT

Siwon/Eeteuk
Requested by: jamietatsuya
Rating: PG
Genre: Fluffy, slightly angsty.

Request Page here:
(Request's Page and archive thereof!)

What was left of Siwon's concentration was strewn across the ceiling, like the pale colors being cast out by the television. He'd given up on the movie long ago. It wasn't as if he could hear anything of the dialogue anyway. Volume lowered as the number of conscious members watching the film began to dwindle; it was now set at a bare murmur for two.

A brief instance of stifled laughter rose from his lap, and he felt an amused little fist tighten on his jeans. Closing his eyes, he tried not to smile; his fingers traced absently through the dye-damaged strands fanned out against his thigh.

"Jungsu-hyung, what is it? Is it funny?"

"To tell the truth, it isn't at all." A pause. "Siwonnie's still awake then?" Eeteuk punched his lap playfully, before nuzzling back against it in apology. "It isn't nice to pretend like you're sleeping. It's really lonely to watch movies alone."

Siwon slid his touch from the head propped in his lap to cup the older man's shoulder. "But Jungsu-hyung, you just said it wasn't funny."

"It's just the principle of the thing. Siwonnie."

"So, why were you laughing?" He peeked at his hyung from beneath his eyelids, catching the tiniest hint of a smile fading on his lips. As Eeteuk seemed ready to reply, he quickly fell silent; a loud bout of tossing and turning sounded from somewhere between the floor and other furniture. When the sleeper ~~Yesung~~ finally settled again, Siwon reminded him of the question with a gentle squeeze.

Was that a sigh he heard?

"I'm funny, I guess.... I mean, I know I shouldn'y say this just before our concert, but...." Eeteuk paused, took a deep breath and let it go in a shudder. He seemed unsure of how to continue, and the sudden tense moment threw a lump into the dongsaeng's throat.

"Jungsu-hyung?"

"I was just thinking of how much I like you, Siwonnie. And that if we ever broke up as Super Junior, I'd want to stay close to you the most. Even if that day doesn't come for decades, or cold things happen between us." With that statement, so simply said and lacking in true simplicity, the older man lifted his hand, open and waiting. "As much as I shouldn't say that before such an important day in our lives....Talking of breaking up and all....and favoritism..."

Gently, Siwon slipped his hand into leader-shii's, intertwining their fingers and holding together tight. It caused Eeteuk to pause again, but it didn't matter. It was the nice sort of pause, the kind where a joyful kind of hope rises in your stomach, because you just know something good is about to happen. He smiled, hoping his expression would carry into his voice.

"There's no wrong time to say things like that, Jungsu-hyung. Especially when you're saying it to someone who understands and reciprocates the feelings you're showing...."

"Siwonnie..."

"Hmmm? What is it?"

"Our pairing..."

"Huh?"

"SiTeuk sounds weird....can't we make it Jungshi? Or TeukWon?"

"....Hyung......Goodnight. I'm going to sleep now. Get some rest too."

Another slight pause. More seriously, Eeteuk squeezed the hand in his, as if to make sure it was real and tangible. "We'll stay together forever, won't we Siwonnie?"

Longer than that. We'll be together.

"Forever, Jungsu-hyung."

Request Filled: "Pomegranate Fluency"

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 22:14:15 GMT

Hankyung/Heechul
Requested by: tsukikipin
Rating: PG, with slight instances of light swearing.
Genre: Fluff

Request Page here:
(Request's Page and archive thereof!)

Note: This was inspired partially by an old-ish CF I saw the other day, by Lee Junki (the mentioned actor from King and the Clown). It's actually very cute in of itself, so if you don't understand the fic or haven't seen it yet, go watch it quickly on Youtube ^^ It really made me think of Heechul, and you might see why.

Nowadays, when Hankyung "couldn't understand" something, it was an act.

Not this time.

As his lover pulled him out of bed without warning and proceeded to drag him down the hallway, he had no idea what the hell was going on. Jolted awake so abruptly, he had simply rubbed his eyes and stumbled along involuntarily behind Heechul. He'd asked a few times what time it was, where they were going, and/or what was wrong. When no reply came, he figured it was a dream and tried in Mandarin. Which earned his wrist another extra hard jerk (whereupon he decided it wasn't a dream, and it was best to shut up).

The Chinaman found himself ~~being held hostage~~ sitting in front of the television, half asleep, without explanation. A random drama was on, probably some famous re-run or another.He hoped it wouldn't have bored him as much had he been fully conscious.

After about...fifteen...minutes had passed, he garnered the courage to admit to himself he had to pee, and he had to get up to do so, explanation or no explanation. "Chulie-ah," he murmured, hoping the arm wrapped around his was as incapable of breaking his as it seemed. Beginning to shift his body away slowly, he sighed, "What's going on? I need to use--"

Sharp nails dug into his wrist, accompanied with a loud hiss-like shush. He leaned back into the couch, now with crossed legs, determined to stick to the original strategy of silence. Until the drama cut to commercials, and the nails bit again as an ad featuring that guy from...The King and the Clown?...came into view.

"YAH, Heechul, that hurts, that hurts, what's wro--"

"THIS! THIS IS WHAT!" The older man pointed accusingly at the screen with the slender digits not maiming his boyfriend's arm. "Can you believe this?"

Pretty girls like pomegranate...
Pretty girls like pomegranate...

"Well, it's not impressive to be playing piano these days....is it?"

Wrong answer, wrong answer!

"THEY CHOSE HIM FOR THIS CF INSTEAD OF ME! He isn't even half as pretty as me!"

Looking in the mirror makes me feel happy~
Pretty girls....

"I'm probably more beautiful than half of those girls. What the hell sense does that make? And I sing at least that well!"

Oooh.

With a deep breath, Hankyung freed himself, then attempted to still Cinderella's jealous rants with a spontaneous kiss. It sounded mildly fairytale-like after all. Should work, right? "MMFH!"

Once the rain of pummeling fists discontinued their assault on his chest, he decided Heechul was a little more docile and released him. The breathless princess stared at him with those wide, western eyes offset by the surprised red in his cheeks. "What the hell? Why are you doing that?"

"I'm doing it because you're right. You're much prettier."

Prepared this time, Hankyung caught the incoming fist in mid-strike, opening the slender hand to be held in his own. Interlacing his fingers with Heechul's, he didn't try to repress his smile. "We both know you are. They didn't choose you because you're too pretty. Who'd pay attention to a product when you're around?"

His lover opened his mouth, and then closed it again in silence. Dropping his eyelids, he glared somewhat at the television, now securely stationed back onto the awful drama. "Who's teaching you stuff like that...."

"Ah...ah...the restroom!" Parting ~~apologizing~~ with one last peck, Hankyung suddenly sprinted down the hallway. That's way too long to wait to pee after you wake up!!!

Luckily, had he stayed at the "WHAT THE HELL?!" that followed, he'd only have seen his blushing Chulie examining the kiss he'd been left with his fingertips.

"Mah....foreign men are so weird...."

Request #1 Filled : "It's Always Special With You." (KiHae)

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 23:46:57 GMT

Kibum/Donghae
(Slight instances of HanChul)
Requested by: kumagoro4303
Rating: R, swearing and sexual situations.
Genre: Fluffy, near-smutty.

Still taking requests here:
(Request's Page! Request any pairing you like!)

Forehead pressed firmly against his computer desk, he wished Blizzard would release Starcraft 2 for him tonight. Just so he could go buy it and play away Valentine's Day, bored and depressed as he was with being single on Feburary 14th. Oh, it would be fine to play the original, if he wasn't starting to get bored as hell with it and/or he kept getting teamed with couples. There is a limit on how many years you can play one game, after all. And how much cyber PDA "*hugs*" and "*kiss!*" one Kim Kibum can stand.

Only single people are allowed to kill Zerg on Valentine's Day, damnit.

Kibum squeezed his eyes shut tight as he saw a pair of familiar red Converses appear close to the feet of the desk. "Yah. What the hell are you doing, Kibummie?"

He managed a grunt in response, beginning to poke blindly at the monitor in order to turn it off without having to look up. Once he'd stubbed his fingers sufficiently on the screen, the Heechul at his side finally guided his hand to the button. An electronic click signalled the end of the task (and also that it was time for his hand to fall limply next to his head, probably illiciting a weird look from his hyung). "I think I might be dead, Heechul-hyung. I can't tell yet."

The telltale pre-rant intake-of-breath was, fortunately, interrupted by another voice. "Kibum-ah, don't forget to lock up if you do go out tonight. We'll be back later on, but if something happens, it's okay to call us." Hannie! Good timing.. "Especially if you need something to eat or you get sick. It's been cold lately, yes? Just call."

Suddenly Kibum imagined Heechul's "Do it, I dare you!" look at his lover's statement, and decided he'd not take the Chinaman up on that offer.Especially after the subtle kick those red Converses delivered at his ankles. Even if King Kong scaled their building, and decided to kidnap him personally. He might call Yesung-hyung though. Yesung would laugh his ass off and then some.

"Thank you. I will." Definately not. "Have a good time."

After all the coat shuffling was completed, he listened to resident couple leave him very alone in their apartment. When he was absolutely sure they were both out of ear shot he added very quietly, "And use protection~" He giggled, a little stupidly by his own account.

He began to sit up, little too fast by his own account, which incurred lots of dizziness. Pushing his palms against his eyelids, he cursed softly as he tried to regain some of his bearings. "Aish...." What else can happen today? Earthquake? A burgular?

Creak, rustle.

Adrenaline filled his stomach with a cold fear, forcing his brain to cease its spinning. You're joking. His neck refused to turn to look at the sound, allowing instead only his eyes to sneak to the computer screen. Reflected in the dark surface....

Was definately a dark figure behind Kibum's own. Who, he noticed, was breathing quite rapidly.

For one weird moment after he realized it wasn't a hallucination, he hoped it was a crazy fan come to rape him. Rape would not equate to a pissed off princess bitching about his things being stolen.

He pushed his voice somehow from his mouth, relieved when it didn't waver. "All right. I'm telling you right now, I know hapkido."

"Oh, wow Kibum-shii, I never knew that!"

This time, Kibum was impressed with himself when didn't scream like a school girl when he was glomped from the computer chair. He stared up at the cieling for a moment, all the dizziness flooding back; before he noticed the very familiar face of the individual now pinning him to the floor. Oh. You.

"Hae? Lee Donghae? Why are you breaking into our dorm?"

"Huh?" The dancer sat up, straddled across the younger man's hips. Contact that was making Kibum impossibly uncomfortable for some reason. What the hell's going on down there? Focus Kibum, focus. Focus.Focusdamnitfocus.

"I didn't break in, Kibummie. I just came by when those guys left. The door wasn't closed yet, so I let myself in." He laughed in that abrupt way of his, arm flying behind head almost sheepishly. "Anyway, you're glad to see me right? Right?"

He swallowed his growing frusteration, and managed to shift until he could get on his elbows. "Well, of course I'm glad to see you. But why are you here, Hae? Didn't you have a date or something?"

Donghae's lips suddenly twisted to the side, his puppy eyes partially lidded: thoughtfully? Unhappily? "Well. Not yet." His hyung's hands dipped into the pockets of his sweatshirt, and Kibum wondered why the hell he kept noticing every little movement he was making.

Gulp. What the hell's wrong Kibum?! F-o-c-u-s. "Not yet, Hae?"

Even as Kibum spoke, Donghae produced a shiny, extremely red, heart-shaped box from said pockets. It was slightly dented from the massive tackle/hug, but its meaning was absolutely clear. A Valentine's Day Gift. "Who's it for?" Me? No way. No way.

The answer was a soft, inward smile, dark eyes focusing on the gift in hand. "Kibummie, you might think that I'm joking. But before you say anything like that, it isn't the case." He blushed, pushing the gift toward him nervously. Those same eyes turned their attention to Kibum's face, shining with Hae-variety determination. "I really like you. It's been a long time since I started to. When Hannie-hyung told me there wasn't anyone for you tonight, I just had to....anyway....Kibummie, even if I'm freaking you out, please accept this. You don't have to be my Valentine if you don't want to."

Holy Fuck.

Such a declaration left Kibum stunned, accepting the present and lowering himself involuntarily back to the floor to gather his bearings. Usually, he'd laugh this off; only Donghae wasn't that great at pretending to be sincere. So. No joke.

He lifted the box above his face, examining every red sparkle, every fold and ripple of the pink ribbon. One of his best friends confessed his liking for him? One of the cuter ones too? "Holy fuck."

An intake of breath similar to the Heechul-rant kind issued from the boy still on top of him. "No, no, wait," Kibum blurted, doing his best to preempt any tantrum or string of apologies. He set the sparkling gift aside and placed his hands on Donghae's hips, squeezing to get his attention."No, it's a good thing. I'll do it. I want to be your Valentine, Hae."

The resulting elated bouncing and adorable Mokpo incoherency almost made Kibum groan out loud. As if the position wasn't awkward as it was.

No more focus. Can't do it. Please don't hit me. Please don't hit me.

Donghae stiffened slightly as Kibum's hands slid beneath his sweatshirt. "Hae," he murmured, stroking his fingers against his Valentine's abdomen. "If you wanted a gift too....I didn't buy you anything." The rapper blushed as the older boy grew warmer, even shivering at such slight touch. Taking this as a sign, he pressed on, sampling as much of Donghae as he could reach; making a special effort to dip his hands beneath waistband of his jeans.

"There's this Kibum you can have though....I'm sure he wouldn't mind having you either."

This time, he didn't stop himself from moaning as Donghae pushed his ass roughly against his coming hard-on; how could he? But the sound was quickly muffled by an eager kiss from the Mokpo boy, who suddenly couldn't keep his hands to himself. He started to wonder where the hell his shirt went and how it came off so fast, but those thoughts were soon diminished. By the hot lips assaulting this throat, the rough fingers teasing heat into his bare chest, carressing breastbone to nipples to bared hips.

"Mm, Donghae....More...more soon. Don't stop..." I love Valentine's Day. I love Valentine's Day.

Against his throbbing skin, he heard a slight mischevious giggle. "We won't be stopping any time soon, Valentine. You taste so good...."

MEANWHILE...

With one perfectly groomed brow arched, ear pressed to the door, Heechul showed his waiting palm to his boyfriend. "Fork over all your Won. I win."

Hankyung pouted a little, scooting closer to hear for himself. "How can you tell? You're probably just taking advantage again."

As if to answer his question, a sudden and unabashed moan escaped their dorm at full volume. A smirk flitted across Heechul's face, fingers waving expectantly for their prize. With a sigh, the Chinaman removed the wallet from his pocket, and began to shift through his losses. "You know, if we don't leave soon, we're going to lose our reservations."

"Yah, Kyungie-baby. We won't. But even so, who cares? "

"Huh?" He lost count and looked up, knitting his brows in confusion. "But it's a special day..."

"As long as we spend it together, does it matter?"

Hankyung smiled then, going back to counting out the amount. "No. It's always special with you."

Another incredible moan had him grab his Cinderella and pull him embarrassedly to the elevator, explaining, "Even so, what will the neighbors think?"

Requests!

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 07:03:28 GMT

2/21/08 Requests are currently full. Please feel free after a few have been completed to continue requests. Thank you to everyone who has asked, and please continue to be patient with me. ONE spot is currently open. On hiatus, due to exams and vacations. Sorry!

For anyone that's interested in my writing, I'm willing to take requests for SuJu fanfictions at present! (Short stories, drabbles, etc. Everything is your choice, theme, paiiiiring...)
If you can't really offer anything in return, that's fine. But if someone could help me out with a layout and/or icons, for those of you with artistic ability, that'd be wonderful.

I hope I can do a lot of good work for everyone that requests.

I'll be keeping a current list here of those who apply for a request. But I'll only be taking on about five at a time. :3 (Other requests are still accepted, but will be put on a que. ^^)

Thank you so much for your time.

Current Requests:

1. je_sm: HaeTeuk; TBD
2. alltomorrow: HyukHae; smut/fluff/AUJumper
3. nongttaengi: YeBum or KyuChul; TBD
4. lilbabidevil214: YeTeuk; Smut/fluff
5. sugarwarrior: KangTeuk or KiHae: smut/fluffy/short

Completed:
kumagoro4303 ("It's Always Special With You.")

jamietatsuya: SiTeuk; (Forever, I guess.")

tsukikipin("Pomegranate Fluency.")

Que: (those who are waiting for me to stop being slow ;-;)

1. Anonymous: KangTeuk: angst/fluff
2. somnium_vita: DongChul? XD romance/smut/AUVampChul
3. mame_chichi: KiTeuk: smut/fluff
4. x_jun: HaeMin: Fluff/smut
5.

001. Freefall

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 06:49:33 GMT

Kangin/Eeteuk
Completed 2/05/08
Rating: PG-13 -> Swearing.
Genre: Fluffy. Fluffy, fluffy.

(Hey, let's go to the archive!)

Damn, these beds are fucking awesome....
No sleep yet though. Too much tiredness to sleep. So close though, aishhhh....

"Youngwoon-ah..."

Jungsu-

Youngwoon's not here right now, can Kangin take a message? Youngwoon is partially comatose and can't feel his ass right now for some reason. Is that normal, you think?

Answering the slight form nestled against him with a gentle squeeze/mumble, Kangin relished the comfortable darkness his eyelids could provide. He ached in every muscle, from neck to toe. At least his head didn't hurt, even though his ears seemed to be buzzing with warning of impending deafness.

Damn screaming fans. Damn screaming girls. Damn screaming fangirls.

Also, his skin and hair felt, for lack of a better word, nasty--being so heavy with the product he was too tired to remove. Ah, his throat was raw. When he had ordered dinner only an hour or two before, he must have sounded like an ajusshi on the wrong side of middle age. And~

He jumped a little, supressing profanities, as he felt slender fingers move over the round of his cheek. A few moments passed before he eased slowly into the touch, obviously Eeteuk's.

Leader was evil; he knew Kangin's kill reflexes were much harder to trigger nowadays, if only from fatigue. Besides, he kept him very good company and was a good, warm cuddle at night. A raccoon doesn't strangle his panda teddy bear right away after all! And he could be pretty, smart, sweet--

"There was Gah Jah, and O Ee, and they were about to cross the street, right?" **

And so lame...so very lame....

Kangin opened his eyes sleepily, and hoped his best "Oh god, you're such a retard," look was in place. Which it probably wasn't. Considering the prettiest smile in Asia was the first sight to greet his fatigue-blurred vision. Damn sparkly eyes. Damn dimples...

If his heart wasn't tired too, he was sure it'd be palpitating, soaring and freefalling and doing all kinds of weird shit in his chest. That was usually what happened. It was just a damn smile! He did that a lot. How long did you have to be with someone before they stopped having such strong effects on you?

"So Gah Jah checks both ways on the street, before he turns to O Ee and says 'Gah jah!' So, what do you think O Ee said?" He could just hear the manic laughter creeping into his hyung's voice, as he watched those godforsaken dimples deepen gleefully.

He said shut the fuck up and stop being so pretty so I can sleep?

With a grunt, Kangin pulled the older man closer, exerting what little energy was left to kiss the beautiful lips so laden with waiting punchline. The return to his gesture was soft and patient, so much so it almost made him tremble. Even when he was awake, he liked to kiss forcefully, but these shared kisses were always...always...

Eeteuk broke the connection first after a few minutes, leaving his younger lover somewhat unsatisfied even for all his tiredness. Kangin felt an involuntary pout form to his cheeks, and upon moving in for another round, allowed the expression to manifest itself entirely.

Leader-shii had his fingers pressed against his lover's lips, eyes wide and shining. "Well? What do you think O Ee said?"

"I love you?"

Am I going crazy or is he frowning at that?!

"Yah, Youngwoon, that's not what he said. That's lame! Why would he say that? He said--GAAAAAAAH!"

THUMP.

Pulling the excess blanket from the now-vacant spot on the bed around himself, Kangin yawned/ignored the pretty puppy eyes being presented him. "Go sleep somewhere else."

A string of bribes and I love you's ended with: "I'll give you a back rub...jah gee aaaaaaaaah...don't you want one?"*** Eeteuk was a damn good negotiator.

Damnit. Ignoring the weird feelings, ignore the weird feelings...

He opened the covers slightly, grumbled, and waited for the envitablehappyglompbodyslam coming from the floor.

Eh, what the hell. Sleep's overrated, right? O Ee~

NOTES

Eeteuk's lame joke:
**:
There's a cookie (Gah Jah in korean) and a cucumber (O Ee in korean) about to cross the street so the Gah Jah looks both side and turns to the O Ee and says Gah Jah (Lets go in Korean) and guess what the O Ee said?

O Ee! (It thought they were calling themselves :D)

***:
Jah gee ah - annoyingly sweet and sickeningly disgusting way to call your lover. XD

082. Evening

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 07:38:54 GMT

Siwon/Kibum
Completed: 12/29/07
7/100
Rating: PG. (It's pretty angsty though.)

(Hey, let's go to the archive!)

You know all the dramas lie, right? When your heart breaks, you don’t just stop functioning.

Sure, you might cry a little. You might even spend a day or two in bed, filling your stomach with sweet foods to lessen your heartache. Maybe you’ll share the pain with anyone who’ll listen, or you’ll just keep it to yourself. The other person never cares about your hurt, or maybe he never finds out.

No, you never stop functioning.

It starts to get better eventually. One day, you’ll find it’s easy to get up and dress yourself. When you leave the house, a body begging to sleep so it doesn’t have to live won’t hinder your steps. Work is suddenly just work and not reflection; being with your friends afterwards starts to sound fun again.

You’ll realize it suddenly, how long you’ve gone without hurting even a little.

But, you know that this is similar to other drama plotlines, now, don’t you?
Because by now you know the pain never completely ends either.

So, sure. It’s easy for me to get up in the morning. I wash my face, brush my teeth, grab something and dress myself. When I leave my bedroom, my dorm mates joke with me. I’m more than capable of smiling. I can still laugh, just so, behind my arm like always. Not because it’s cute or familiar, but because it’s what I do.

We go to work, together or separately. We talk, we dance, we sing, we film. The make-up brushes re-outline Kibum a thousand times over, and Kibum performs. He can smile; he can mean it. He can go to dinner with friends and enjoy himself. Hell, he can even get drunk with Heechul and keep from becoming a teary mess. Without acting.

But when I get home, half-falling with exhaustion onto my bed, I know.

I know how many hours I’ve managed to forget him. I measure the time to how long it was in comparison to yesterday. It gets easier to see his perfect face, take in his smile of white teeth and dimples. I can almost make him mean the same to me as the other eleven do. Almost.

But no matter what, he comes back to me in the evening. When the dorm is sleeping, I lie awake; the quiet provides me with no escape, and finally, the numb pain returns to the pool in my chest. It’s just until I can sleep. Just until I can sleep, full of prayers not to dream.

He doesn’t know and doesn’t have to. It’s not like I’ll tell him. He’s happy the way things are. That’s got to be enough for me. It almost is.

It’s getting easier.

006. Burn

Fri, 28 Dec 2007 02:49:21 GMT

Heechul/Yesung
Completed: 12/27/07
6/100
Rating: PG-PG-13, because of angst and obsessive behavior.
First angst-fic. :x

(Hey, let's go to the archive!)

Stillness bled into the silence. There was nothing. He could hardly hear his heart as it panicked in his chest cavity.

There was a computer humming in one of the bedrooms. Its mechanical noise made him nervous. Made him press send before the last three numbers were punched in. Thank god he was without a real schedule like the others. No one was in the dorm except him. But the sound was still like an accusation. His mind trembled with a series of paranoid thoughts, but then cleared.

His fingers shook as he dialed, aiding him in jumbling the numbers. He missed the cancel button three times. He cursed.

Cancel. He tried again, trying to still his quaking fingers on the dial pad. It would be easier just to hit the right button, to have the phone autodial. But he couldn’t do that. If he didn’t do it this way, manually, it’d feel trivial. The one on the other line would know, even if it were impossible for him to know. Then he’d never answer.

He pressed cancel. His fingers throbbed as he forced them to dial again. Each number whispered electronically as he tapped them. Is this all you can think of to do? No mistakes this time, though. He checked the cruel little display of the phone, and this time the numbers seemed right. Send.

Against his cheek, the phone was cold. A secret well behind his eyes was beginning to burn.

Ring.

He whispered against the mouthpiece, lips kissing the chill plastic.
“Hyung, don’t hang up this time. Please. I know I’m making you angry again, I know I’ve called too many times.” Please, God. Please pick up. I’ll do anything if you’ll just pick up.

Ring.

“It was all a mistake, a big, stupid, Jongwoon mistake.” He laughed apologetically. Please. Pick up. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. His senses were full of the slight form, overwhelmed with the scent and taste of fading kisses. His memories were full of bad impressions, loud conversations, gleeful arguments that ended with a playful slap. Their public image never showed just how close they’d become. It’d never show how far apart they were now. “You know how I can be…”

Ring.

“If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have called you so many times. I wouldn’t have wasted my time.” Please answer. Anything. I’ll do anything. “ If you can just give me five minutes, I know it can be like it used to be. Remember?”

Ring,

“Hello?”

His breath caught painfully in his throat at that voice, the only voice. His own had vanished. Anything he thought to say before left him that instant. “ Hyung, please—”

“I’m a busy man, so whatever you have to say will have to wait for these magnificent ears to become less busified. Leave your King a quick message, but not too long. You don’t want to bore me, do you? –YAH, Kyung-ah, how would you know it’s not a word, you little— ”

Voicemail.

Yesung let the phone slip from his hand. He didn’t care that it tumbled to the ground, cracking in protest at his clumsiness. His eyes had begun shedding liquid pain in rivulets of fire, each tear burning a new streak down his face. Everything else was numb, except the love that was nagging him to pick up the phone. Try again.

A little voice laughed inside him, somewhere, somewhere he wished he could just tear out. If only saying sorry was like pushing cancel and trying again.

030. Warmth

Fri, 28 Dec 2007 01:04:07 GMT

Kangin/Donghae
Completed: 12/27/07
Rating: PG-13, Strong Language.
5/100

(Hey, let's go to the archive!)

Fist tightening around the remote, Kangin knows he probably looks pretty pissed.

He doesn’t really care all that much anymore.

Because he is pissed.

With a determined thumb, he turns the television’s volume down to a bare whisper. The contrived voices and perfectly timed music of the programming is only serving to add to his mood. After all, he can practically hear the blood boiling in his ears. A little more sound is just what he needs to set him off into a murderous rampage.

There’s no particular reason this time. Recently, there doesn’t have to be. He’s been in the center of so much shit lately; it’s hard to choose what should be the basis for his anger. Oh, it would be easy to cite the countless times he’s had to work instead of taking care of his personal life. How many times has he given up vacations for reality shows? How often has he had to apologize to his family—over the fucking phone, no less— for breaking promised visits and plans?

Oh. And there’s all of that controversy bullshit with the schedules, which was completely not his fault. But of course, the managers took him down a notch or two anyway. “Because you know,” he mutters to himself. “Youngwoon makes the schedules. He just likes getting fired and causing trouble with the broadcasters!”

“You know, he probably does. Kangin-hyung, you should have a talk with that Youngwoon character. He likes hoarding the T.V. too.”

Surprised by the sudden voice, Kangin starts, almost cries out. Just as a hand brushes his, making just enough contact to slip away with the remote. Dorm mate—of course. Deep frown. Eh, and I used to think living alone would be lonely.

In an instant, he screws on his best glare as the body the voice/hand belongs to plops down comfortably beside him.

Donghae receives the gesture with a smile so full of warmth that Kangin decides not to punch him. Even when the T.V. returns to full volume on a documentary marathon centered on violent hauntings and extraterrestrials. When the annoying vocalizations pop up in the background music and the younger man clings to him for comfort, his fists almost reconsider.

“Yah, get the hell out. There are at least six other people you could bother.”

Silence for a few moments. Then a commercial.

“Well, there are a lot of people I could bother, hyung. But I feel like watching television with you right now, so I’m here instead. Besides, you know, I heard something really strange about raccoons in Japan. Like, in some places, they have stories about demons in raccoon shapes, and—”

Wrapping an arm around his dongsaeng’s neck good-naturedly, Kangin sighs. Donghae stops dead in mid-story at the gesture, his eyes searching the older man’s face for signs of impending homicide. Kangin almost smiled at the dark, wide eyes fixed on him; remembering all the times the younger boy woke him up in the morning and had the good sense to run once the deed was done. Was he also formulating an escape plan?

The kid is really lucky he has a tendency to be adorable at just the right time.

Instead of addressing the situation, Kangin turns his attention to the documentary as it returns. An urge to laugh wells up in his stomach oddly enough, but he won’t give anybody the satisfaction of knowing they cheered him up so easily. No, definitely not.

”Well, if you want to watch, shut the hell up.”

“Okay, can do!”

Damn lucky kid.

029. Sea

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 08:09:03 GMT

Sungmin/Siwon
Completed: 12/24-25/07
4/100
With a Christmas theme :D

(Hey, let's go to the archive!)

I wonder if I’m the only sober one left.

Leaning against the railing of the veranda, Siwon watched the wintry glow of the cityscape laid before him. He wasn’t used to this kind of view, the world from the Super Junior dorm; it was as if living at home made his time here count as nothing at all.

He chose to pretend all the radiance he could discern was Christmas lighting and decoration. All the cars below and in the distance, filling the night with their sound systems and growling engines, were surely last minute arrivals to complete some family’s Christmas Eve. It was still early; perhaps a few were returning from visiting friends or church services. People should be together during the holidays, after all.

The image was completed as a few of the more festively drunken members—Eunhae, he decided—broke out into “Santa Claus is Coming To Town,” from inside.

Siwon smiled, tucking his hands into the loose folds of his jacket.

He had spent most of the day with the members, just being together, eating, and opening all manners of gifts. A few he had been expressly forbidden to open until Christmas Day. Out of the ones okayed for opening, he could distinctly remember a plush horse from the Princess, which had been the joke of the evening. And Siwon had to admit he hadn’t had so much fun with everyone for a long time.

Until he had started to get a migraine shortly after the soju, beer, and all other manner of alcoholic /and highly prohibited by the managers/ drinks had been distributed. It wasn’t like he had partaken; he rarely did. The increased level of noise, high energy, and interruption had just finally gotten to him. His face hurt from laughing too. Besides, who’d miss him for a few minutes when nobody noticed he’d snuck out?

“Siwonnie.”

Siwon jumped, almost biting his tongue at the sound of his name. Evidently somebody with ninja-skills had noticed, since he hadn’t heard the sliding door open at all.

Sungmin shuffled to his side before he could turn, hands busied with pulling a beanie securely over his ears. His lips were close to pouting, until still halfway shocked Siwon met his gaze. Then he gave his usual small, easy smile.

So it was a ninja after all.

“Ah, what is it hyung?”

“Heechul-hyung keeps smacking me on the butt and laughing about it.” Sungmin paused momentarily. “But mostly I missed you, really, Siwonnie. And you looked lonely being alone, so I came to be alone with you together.”

Siwon couldn’t help chuckling, which elevated into a full-dimpled laugh that made his face hurt all over again. His hyung only smiled and tilted his head, before giggling to follow his lead. When it was said and done, the laughter left Siwon beaming.

Sungmin didn’t bother to ask. He only dallied on the smile for a moment, before turning to the view from where the two of them stood. His hands seemed so small and child-like, curled on the railing. “It’s very pretty here,” he murmured. “I can just imagine all this might look, you know, the city? Like in the movies, where you go on the cliff overlooking everything, and it looks like a big sea of lights…

The younger man almost blushed, watching his hyung. His migraine was totally forgotten; he was much more worried about the noise his heart was making.

Is he always this adorable? Really?

Without another thought, he carefully slipped his own hand over Sungmin’s smaller one, interlacing their fingers without difficulty. Sungmin just smiled, shifting his fingers and palm to allow the contact.

“Yah, Siwon. You should get a nice girlfriend to share something like that with.” Sungmin pouted suddenly, knocking gently him with his hip. “The man with the international face, acting lonely on Christmas. It’s not good for magazines!”

Siwon considered a moment, measured the proximity of their bodies. He glanced sideways at his companion, waiting until they made eye contact again to smile.

“Who needs a nice girl when they have Lee Sungmin?”

A pink tint pushed its way into Sungmin’s cheeks, but only for a moment. Not missing a beat, he tightened his hold on his dongseng’s hand; using the momentary surprise as leverage to pull him back toward the veranda door. “If you like me that much, come back in and keep me company where it’s warmer!”

Almost laughing again at Sungmin’s failed attempts to open the door with one hand, Siwon allowed himself to be pulled with the other. “Oh, and hyung….”

Sungmin froze in mid-try, responding only with a somewhat wide-eyed look over his shoulder. “I’m glad you came here with me. Merry Christmas, hyung.”

Another golden smile. “Merry Christmas, Siwonnie.”

061. Disguises

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 04:00:04 GMT

Yesung
Completed 12/22/07
3/100

(Hey, let's go to the archive!)

It’s not really a disguise, he thinks. It’s just a way to help them remember.

He stares defiantly at the mirror, memorizing his own face as the hairdresser does her work. Yesung and Kim Jongwoon, he decides, share deep, dark, melancholy-toned eyes. Their vast cheeks, round and pale, are the same. They are perfectly identical down to their small pouted lips, marked now by shimmering lip balm.

The hairdresser taps his face gently, a polite gesture asking him to move his head to the side. He does as he’s asked without question, managing to lose sight of his reflection. He doesn’t lose the memory of his own face; he doesn’t lose recognition of Yesung OR Kim Jongwoon. And he wonders why so many others seem to.

Yesung takes care not to move, lest he make the stylist cut too far, or at the wrong angle. He listens to the scissors whispering against his hair, imagining the deft cuts to the black strands. There is no discomfort or excitement to see how a new style will fit his face, or match his “theme.”

He knows there will hardly be a change. It will be the same variation on the short, side swept style, framing his face. Color is not for him, like it is for other members; the shapeless black suits his seemingly “mysterious aura.” Once there had been red highlights, and he had almost liked them. But everyone—management— decided the black was much nicer. He chose not to like the highlights so much anymore. As to the actual shape of his hair, he could probably choose a new one, but….

Yesung smiles a little to himself, prompting the hairdresser to giggle, to ask what he was thinking of. There is the token question about “a special girl.” So, his first response is to answer off-the-cuff, randomly:

“I saw a cloud this morning, that looked very like—”

He catches a look at himself in the mirror, and pauses. This is a hairstyle that does suit him, but that’s not why he keeps asking for “just maintenance on this one, please, thank you.” The rest change so often, and maybe, this is the way to not get hopelessly lost in a 13-man crowd. It’s the last thing he can think of to do.

“—Like this guy I saw the other day, you know? He had very distinctive features, total crescent eyes; I can show you. It was something like this….”

It’s not a disguise. It’s a way to make people remember.

036. Bathroom Tiles

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 23:23:12 GMT

Hankyung/Siwon
Completed: 12/20/07
2/100

(Hey, let's go to the archive!)

“Siwon, it’s not that I don’t care for you. It’s not that…”

Hankyung turned his face from his dongseng, turning his full focus on the tiled bathroom floor. Didn’t Siwon know this was a highly peculiar place to be doing this? It made sense, since it was actually private, unlike some of the other rooms, but…. He might not have minded so much otherwise, if it had been somewhere else. It might have even been a bit fun.

“Please, please. You really have to. There’s no one else but you! You’re…you’re all I have here.” The younger man grasped his chest, directly over his heart. His face suddenly became heavy with desperation, his dimples showing in a grieved expression.

The Chinese man sighed and pushed all the passion he could into his voice, his eyes finally meeting Siwon’s. “Listen to me! You just don’t understand how different we really are! I thought I could care about you. Honestly thought I could love you.” His voice echoed resolutely throughout the room, almost harsh against his own ears.

“Don’t you say that to me! I know that it can’t be that easy just to step on my heart.”

“…Siwon-ah.”

“No. I’ve seen the way you’ve looked at me, and how often I’ve returned those glances….”

“Yah, Siwon! Stop, stop!”

“Hankyung-hyung, what is it! Why do you keep interrupting?”

“No more.” Throwing the book he’d been holding the entire time to the tiles, the man in question shook his head. “Why did you agree to be in that drama again? So greasy.” With a slight shiver, he began to mock clean his hands off on his jeans. His foot kicking the script a bit closer to Siwon instead.

“It’s ‘cheesy.’ And besides, hyung, it’s not that bad!” The other boy began to pout a little, rocking on the balls of his feet. On the verge of tantrum. “Come on, please keep reading!

Hankyung pouted back, somewhat, his voice taking on a slightly whining tone. “But I can’t read half of it! Hangul’s too hard. Ask another member.” Turning, giving the script a furtive and final kick, he turned to leave.

Siwon was almost in full tantrum at this point, partway bouncing on his feet. “Hankyung-hyung, you’re lying about fluency again! Don’t be so mean to me. Please just help a little longer!”

Sigh. With a slight turn, he looked over at the younger man. “Aish…. Fine, But only because I’m too nice, and you really need help. But I won’t call you oppa!”

“Hankyung-hyung, thank you, thank you!”

And suddenly, Hankyung had a very grateful, much taller man glomping him until he could only wheeze out, “Yah, S….Siwon….Can’t breathe…”

“Oh, oh. I’m sorry.” Siwon laughed, giving a final squeeze to his hyung, before he pulled back. He cleared his throat, and left the Chinese man scrambling for the abused script at his feet as he started the scene all over again.

028. Choking

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 01:46:59 GMT

Eeteuk/Ryeowook
Completed: 12/19/07
1/100

(Hey, let's go to the archive!)

Eeteuk waits until the angry voices subside, until one door slams shut and then another. He lets a few minutes pass, until the perfect comfort is ready on his lips. When the dorm is nothing but /oddly/ absolutely quiet, he lifts himself and moves down the hall to the right room.

He taps the door softly, his signature, making it obvious it’s only him and not Round 2 of the argument. He lingers. Hearing nothing, he opens the door with perfect motherly caution and takes only one step inside.

“Ryeowook-ah,” he sighs, setting his head against the doorframe.

From his position on the bed, the younger boy makes no move to answer. His knees are pulled to his chest, fingers hiding his face. The only response comes in the small, sob-racked shoulders, telling the tale of silent tears being poured out into frustrated hands.

Eeteuk repeats the name in gentler tones as he moves silently to the foot of the bed. Again, lingers. When nothing is said, he sits, his hands folding neatly in his lap. He knits his brow as he begins staring at the wall, waiting for Ryeowook to speak. All the words he’d prepared suddenly seem worthless now.

Finally the “eternal magnae” makes some response as he lifts his face. “Ah…Hyung. Hyung, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for all the noise. Don’t be mad.” His face is blood red down to the nose; though without tears, his are eyes swollen and tired. He sighs, a tremulous breath. “It was a very stupid thing…. If he’s still here, I’ll try to apologize—”

The leader turns to the younger boy, making his body language more open; he adds his own special touch: the dimpled smile, hoping for once it really does radiate the warmth everyone says it does. “He’s gone off somewhere to cool down. Don’t worry about it for now. It is not like this is the first disagreement between any of our members, you know Wookie?”

As the younger man’s eyes begin to water at this use of nickname, Eeteuk gives up care and slides directly to his side. “Yah, Ryeowook, don’t do that. You’ll make an old man like hyung cry too, and then where will we all be?” He wraps his arms around the designated baby of Super Junior as he speaks. And honestly, he almost chokes, holding back a few tears of his own. Because no matter how many times he does this, he can never get used to seeing his members unhappy.

He feels hands wrap themselves in his shirt, the worried face of the younger boy questioning his. “Ah, hyung, hyung. This…it’s not just a fight between friends. This is…it’s more complicated—”

He looks into the small face, and suddenly connects the dots. “Hum? OH!”
The smile comes much easier now for Eeteuk.“Ah, ah, I see. Well then, it will be fine soon for sure,” he says knowingly.

A series of blinks from Ryeowook change the leader’s almost-tears to almost-laughter. “H…Hyung!”

Moving back slightly, the leader frees up one of his arms, and makes a little triumphant fist. “Ryeowook-ah, ‘quarrels’ like these are always solved very quickly. If they weren’t, your umma and I would hardly even be able to be within five kilometers of each other!”

“Isn’t Kangin-hyung…”

“No. He just thinks he is.”

Blink. “I see….”

After a few moments of silence, Eeteuk slips away and into a standing position. Putting his hands on his slim hips: “So, don’t worry. An argument always seems much worse when you’re caught in the heat of the moment.”

Squeezing his lips together, Ryeowook nods, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. “Yes…. I’m sure you’re right. It was probably a silly thing to argue over, anyway.” He takes a deep breath, “Um, thank you, hyung.”

The leader nods appreciatively, then tilts his head. “What were you two arguing about anyway?”

“Well, it was all about this thing I mentioned--"

Just as Ryeowook starts to explain, a huge crash—from the kitchen? —startles them both. The sound is quickly followed by Korean screeches, battled back with livid Chinese, which is then answered with shrill shouts to “STOP DOING THAT WHEN WE ARGUE!”

Eeteuk lifts his eyebrows apologetically, his dimple showing as he turns to the door. Smiling somewhat in turn, Ryeowook nods, agreeing that the story can wait until later.

As he slips back out into the /war/ dorm, Eeteuk takes one final look at the boy as he closes the door behind him. Relieved, when he leaves the boy smiling this time.

Super Junior 100 Fanfictions Challenge : Archive Post

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 01:31:40 GMT

Date Started: 12/19/07
Date Completed: N/A
Completion: 8/100
Miracle Community, Super Junior 100 Fics Challenge

001. Freefall, Eeteuk/Kangin
002. Christmas, Heechul/Ryeowook
003. Blindfolds, Hankyung/Yesung
004. Chocolate, Yesung/Shindong
005. Overworked, Ryeowook/Kibum
006. Burn, Heechul/Yesung
007. Dark, Eeteuk/Sungmin
008. Locket, Heechul/Sungmin
009. Coffee, Eunhyuk/Donghae
010. Shiver, Heechul/Heechul
011. Rooftops, Hankyung/Sungmin
012. Chains, Heechul/Kangin
013. Watermelon, Siwon/Kyuhyun
014. Home, Heechul/Donghae
015. Lick, Heechul/Hankyung
016. Quiet Places, Yesung/Ryeowook
017. Accidents, Ryeowook/Ryeowook
018. Keys, Eeteuk/Siwon
019. Clocks, Shindong/Eunhyuk
020. Glow, Donghae/Kibum
021. Park Benches, Yesung/Kyuhyun
022. Diamonds, Sungmin/Kibum
023. Tears, Yesung/Siwon
024. Spotlight, Sungmin/Kyuhyun
025. Smoke, Eeteuk/Shindong
026. Pressure, Eunhyuk/Ryeowook
027. Replacement, Heechul/Kibum
028. Choking, Eeteuk/Ryeowook
029. Sea, Sungmin/Siwon
030. Warmth, Kangin/Donghae
031. Midnight Walks, Siwon/Ryeowook
032. Roses, Shindong/Shindong
033. Flirt, Yesung/Kibum
034. Acceptance, Hankyung/Kibum
035. Blind, Heechul/Siwon
036. Bathroom Tiles, Hankyung/Siwon
037. Rotation, Hankyung/Kyuhyun
038. "I want you to stay forever.", Eeteuk/Kibum
039. All the People, Hankyung/Donghae
040. Skin, Shindong/Kyuhyun
041. Dance Practice, Shindong/Kibum
042. Suits, Kibum/Kyuhyun
043. Washing Machines, Donghae/Siwon
044. Rejection, Eunhyuk/Eunhyuk
045. Smooth, Shindong/Sungmin
046. Stuffed Animals, Kangin/Eunhyuk
047. Stutter, Sungmin/Sungmin
048. That Girl, Eeteuk/Hankyung
049. "What's the difference?", Hankyung/Hankyung
050. Lost, Heechul/Kyuhyun
051. Aliens, Ryeowook/Kyuhyun
052. Cake, Sungmin/Donghae
053. Puppies, Eeteuk/Heechul
054. Self-Image, Hankyung/Shindong
055. Shatter, Kangin/Kangin
056. Filth, Donghae/Ryeowook
057. Scales, Donghae/Kyuhyun
058. Lies, Siwon/Siwon
059. Calendar, Eeteuk/Eeteuk
060. Humid, Heechul/Eunhyuk
061. Disguises, Yesung/Yesung
062. God, Hankyung/Kangin
063. Video Games, Yesung/Eunhyuk
064. Balance, Kyuhyun/Kyuhyun
065. Grip, Donghae/Donghae
066. Mice, Eeteuk/Donghae
067. Sunrise, Yesung/Sungmin
068. Degradation, Kibum/Kibum
069. Sailing, Kangin/Siwon
070. Thunderstorm, Kangin/Sungmin
071. Plays (Theatre), Hankyung/Ryeowook
072. Muscles, Kangin/Kibum
073. Milkshakes, Eeteuk/Eunhyuk
074. Flu Season, Shindong/Ryeowook
075. Wrap, Yesung/Donghae
076. Youth, Shindong/Siwon
077. Pass, Sungmin/Ryeowook
078. Sickness, Kangin/Kyuhyun
079. The Same Old Thing, Eeteuk/Yesung
080. Crackle, Eunhyuk/Siwon
081. Noise/Noiseless, Kangin/Shindong
082. Evening, Siwon/Kibum
083. Fever, Hankyung/Eunhyuk
084. Snowflakes, Eunhyuk/Kyuhyun
085. Ache, Shindong/Donghae
086. Violins, Eunhyuk/Kibum
087. Belief, Sungmin/Eunhyuk
088. Numbers, Eeteuk/Kyuhyun
089. "I like your face.", Kangin/Ryeowook
090. Clean, Heechul/Shindong
091. Stars, Yesung/Kangin
092. Gorgeous, WC
093. Bubble Baths, WC
094. Makeup, WC
095. Drowning, WC
096. "I like you. I like you. I like you." WC
097. Glasses, WC
098. Soothing, WC
099. Apples, WC
100. Regrets WC

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 16:58:30 GMT

So. I'm just posting on here again because it seemed lonely. I ought to, I really ought to, change the format and layout of this thing. Maybe. Who knows?

Trowa died yesterday, my dog I've had for like 10 years. It was awful. There's not really a lot to say other than that.

Not going to be at home.

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 14:15:32 GMT

I won't be at home most of Easter Weekend.

I'm travelling, and then on Monday I have a play practice for the musical.

I'm not feeling well either. I have many health issues to worry about at present, but I won't bore you all with them.

I think at times, there are some people that should just shut up. :)

"Are you watching closely? Good."

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 21:31:44 GMT

The last week has been not fun. Honestly, it'll be hard to put up with much longer. People piss me off, so you know what happens!

Anyway, I saw some pretty good movies this past week. The Prestige is one of the most twisted, interesting, and beautiful films ever made. You have to watch every little detail or you'll lose track of everything. I wish I could write a plot half as masterful, but that's impossible to think consider.

GO WATCH IT.

In even better news, I get to see the Champions on Ice show coming to Columbus in May. It's terribly exciting, and we're only a row or two back from the front. :D

See you guys soon.

A Quick Post

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 04:06:17 GMT

Dramatic Uke
Take Are you a Seme or an Uke? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.</p>

You are a tortured soul, and your main activity in life is getting tortured. In fact, you probably wouldn't be happy without something to moan and whine about, which makes you a perfect match for the Sadistic Seme. You are willing to give your body and soul to your partner, putting yourself under their complete control in an effort to escape the pain of your tragic past, although you know deep down there is never an escape.

Don't make fun of me!! XD

Insomnia

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 07:33:20 GMT

A lot has been going on. Hopefully the bad has cleared up and the good is still to come.

This journal doesn't get updated very often either. There's not enough time, and too much to say.

Since I can't sleep at the moment, I'd like to talk about US Nationals for Figure Skating. (This is a random subject, but since it just happened about an hour ago, you know.) It might help me get myself tired enough to want to sleep.

In the Men's division, Evan Lysacek was crowned Champion for the first time in his senior career. It was a beautiful freeskate, almost flawless, complete with an awesome quad jump in combination. The program isn't as good as it was before though, I think; it's had a major change, full of jumps and technical elements. Once he finished, the crowd jumped to their feet; Lysacek fell to his knees, stunned.

His overall score beat Evgeni Plushenko's hulking score at the 2006 Olympics. (However, National scores are typically heavily inflated.)

Johnny Weir, shockingly, slipped to a disappointing 3rd place finish even below Ryan Bradley. He stood at the edge of the rink, watching every move of Lysacek's, before going on himself. This experience may have led to his underpar performance; he did the quad jump only to fall later on in the program. All in all, his program was beautiful, elegant, and classy, not to be discounted for any reasons.

His overall score was just about thirty points below Lysacek's, and seven beneath Bradley's. After his program, you could absolutely tell how upset he was to lose his title. He was barely in the kiss and cry before he burst into tears; later, his interview was calm and collected, but there was a lot of pain there. Very depressing.

In other news, my grade cards have been absolutely fantastic as of late. I've gotten 3.6, twice in a row, the latest nearly 3.7. If I can bring up the Government grade to an A, I think I have a good chance at having a 4.0 sometime this year. (My exams were fantastic, all but choir. It was a B, surprisingly.)

That's enough for now. See you all around, lots of love.

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 06:50:48 GMT

This week has been a long one...

I post here mainly when I don't feel I have anyone to talk to; in all honesty I feel alone right now.

My father went to the hospital during the week. School isn't going so well, the play is disappointing. One of my greatest friends absolutely loathes me for something I never did, and I'm not sure my attempts at explaining myself will get through.

I cried at school when I found out, partially because I couldn't believe it. Maybe some of it was being stared at like a damned criminal by another friend; though I'm not sure I didn't deserve her anger. (I do deserve her trust.)

Partially, also, because I think if something else happens I'll just shoot myself. What direction is there left to turn?

"I don't ever want to see you again, I don't ever want to see you again...this is the end."

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 00:22:39 GMT

I had a HUGE argument with my Dad today, and I feel horrible about it.
I said some really mean things, and we're not talking. Hopefully it doesn't turn into a disownment. ><

Otherwise, life would be good. Homecoming is this week, and I'm STILL looking for monologues...

And I'm a horribly evil procrastinator.

"We're at a point, our future is at stake..."

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 00:37:36 GMT

Leadership Day was held today.

I went to that. The bus ride was annoying, but the trip was well worth it. I actually did learn a lot to help me with the management of our troupe. Hopefully the ideas we generated will help to strengthen not only our area, but also our central needs.

I think I'm doing the All-Ohio show. I dunno yet.

Nn, Homecoming is this coming Saturday. Sounds nice.

"I'm obnoxious and disliked, you know that, sir."

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 15:18:38 GMT

I again had a lapse in posting. Indifference.

I have a feeling of waiting and held breath. I've also been angering myself at different things for different reasons lately. Indifference.

I recieved a male role in our Thespian play, "For Whom the Tinkerbell Tolls." It'll be difficult to play. I don't quite sound like a man.

I'm attending a leadership day this year. I don't even want to go. I'm in no way excited.

I'm practicing monologues/scenes for an IE this year. I'm not sure whether or not I'll actually do one, but it's always good to be prepared. I guess. It's a hard decision to make, because I'm a nervous person. I've been shaking every time I start to work with anything play-related. What's wrong with me? Who knows.

Indifference.

People are all liars and patterened creatures...such buttoned in hatred.

"I shall give thee all kinds of dark ecstasy..."

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 20:37:21 GMT

I got the role of the cook in the school's play, Canterbury Tales. It is a lead role, who is also very comical. I'm happy to play her.

I'm sad lately...I don't really know why. It's a melancholy feeling in the back of my throat, and my stomach is churning. While school is better, I just want to finish and get it over with. It's a constant source of drama, disease, and distress.

The overuse of D's in that sentence was annoying.

Sat, 09 Sep 2006 07:22:59 GMT

So, today went really slow, and I had an argument about the UN.

I was not allowed to attend the football game due to the fact that I broke out into hives the moment I returned home. After I took allergy medicine, I then proceeded to pass out. I woke up about two hours ago.

Mm, so I have six writing assignments due by Monday. Do these teachers think before they give out their assignments? I hope I have enough creativity to put together that many stories. I've been feeling out of it lately.

There's this weird little freshman that continually comes up to me, dips his head down low to look at my shirt, and stares at my chest. He annoys me with questions, and I hate it when people use tricks to look at me. -.-; Oh, and he sits in other people's seats to talk to me, and then acts like he "didn't know" it wasn't his seat. GRR. XD

I've been attacked by three spiders today. I don't know what the hell is up with that, but it's scary! I was at the library, and this quarter sized spider is just hanging out on my arm. I threw him off, but he was...ack.

Try out results are DEFINATELY being announced on Monday now. I'm getting more nervous. There's no way I DIDN'T get a part though.

My skin itches again and we have no Benedryl.

"So the show closes now..."

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 20:37:47 GMT

School is decidedly better with my acquisition of two new friends. :3

I did try-outs today; I hope I did better than I think I did. My voice and acting were as I wanted them to be, but my hands shook.

The parts are being announced on MONDAY. MONDAY T.T XD

I'll write more for you all later, I'm tired and nervous right now.